This is part two of a series of articles that discusses similarities between hypnosis and the pick-up community. In part one of this article we covered inner game and target selection. We recommend you read that section first before you continue with the rest of this article.
Nightclubs, and noisy venues can be hard to gain the attention of anyone, when drunk men are bouncing around and causing a lot of hassle for pretty girls. How can we possibly gain the attention of a girl if we expect to hypnotize them or begin to seduce them?
The key to pick up and hypnosis alike, is about building responses which start off small within a person, and then develop them to a point where you can state “You can really feel that can’t you” in Head Hacking courses for a number of years we have referred to this as progressing a linear response and turning it binary.
Read the previous article if you want to know how to start compliance with unresponsive audiences in the competitive scenarios where more than a few hundred people are fighting for attention. The rest part two will continue to describe how to increase this compliance to a goal once you’ve gained interest, fascination, attention, a look, a stare, a smile, or something from a subject.
Let them watch you – Once you notice someone in the audience is paying you interest
With hypnotic subjects, I will have them stand around me for a little bit before I hypnotize them, I tend to watch when I speak who is listening to me, who is paying attention to me when I walk around a venue, then I assume they will be responsive to me, I believe that
their attention isn’t being competed for, or that my competitors for their attention are not as unique, or as useful to the watcher as I am for them, and therefore I have their interest.
In seduction it is said that if you are unique, for example dressed in an extravagant fashion then you have social proof when people in the venue watch you. And you have this massivesocial effect. When I went out and created this effect I would also receive much higher
results as a hypnotist, which lead me to develop this theoretic that I have been explaining this far.
It’s really important that your audience ends up investing more energy and time into you than you appear to be investing into them. Sure you need to make them feel somewhat special and not put them down, or make them feel uncool but you need to be clear that you
are to be respected.
It’s important when you are progressing with a girl that you never tell them that you like them, that you never indicate that your wanting attraction with them. This cannot be communicated in either your body language or your words. In the Pickup community this is referred to as ‘indirect theory’.
As a general overview, indirect approaches are subtle, and very “under the radar” versus a direct approach. It gives the PUA flexibility to maneuver the pickup to befriending the girls if they seem not interested in a romantic relationship, or using the targets as social proof and pivots. It also allows for role reversals where the target can qualify herself to the PUA post-attraction as she does not know the PUA’s real intentions. (source:pualingo) while your indirect in your approach in the sense that you never directly convey interest,
while you continue progressing the eye contact, the touching as much as you can get away with without alerting her that she has to make a decision about whether she’s attracted to you.
Because the moment she has to make a decision she will bring up all of her frames and expectations about what kind of man she wants, about how she feels, about work and career and friends that you will likely fail on. She doesn’t know you she has no commitment towards you the moment you force her to make a decision as to whether she likes you, whether the decision was forced by subtext or explicitly stated, you’ve lost the girl.When you follow Vince's advice this is the response you can get
The reason why building commitment while at the same time being indirect works in persuasion, is referred to as ‘foot in the door technique’. “It’s a compliance tactic that involves getting a person to agree to a large request by first setting them up by having that person agree to a modest request. The foot-in-the-door technique succeeds due to a basic human reality that social scientists call “successive approximations”. Basically, the more a subject goes along with small requests or commitments, the more likely that subject is to continue in a desired direction of attitude or behavioral change and feel obligated to go along with larger requests” (Source: Wikipedia)
Give them a quick moment to watch you, the impression should always be in their mind that they are watching you way more than your watching them. Give them a moment to see you smile into the distance (never pout into the distance) then look at them a pout a little. (both these looks have evidence sourced from http://stats.OKcupid.com).
Girls are constantly making a decision about you, they want you until they don’t want you.Allow them to find all the reasons about you that they like you and they will only be able to see through that frame. But the moment you say or do something wrong then they will see you through the frame that your ugly, etc. According to the NLP encyclopaedia (nlpuniversitypress.com) the term ‘frame’ is used to refer to a general focus or direction that provides an overall guidance for thoughts and actions during an interaction. Frames
greatly influence the way specific experiences and events are interpreted and responded to.
In hypnosis the pretalk; that is the conversation you have before you hypnotize someone often causes how the experience is interpreted by the subject. It’s the same in seduction if you lead people to believe that you are respected, and attractive, then they’ll probably just go with those beliefs.
Find a shared moment
So a lot of the time an interaction happens, that is when you begin talking, or interacting with a stranger; someone you previously had no connection to, the reason for your ‘coming together’ was that something ‘situational’ occurred. It might be that you notice something
situational about the person you spot, “I think that outfit is great”, “your so happy”, something you state about yourself “I’m in such a good mood”, or something about the environment “Its great in here isn’t it?” it could be that the song in the background is progressing towards a peak.
One of the things it can be is that you two seem to share various things in common, for example you might be dancing in the same manner, or matching each other’s vibe energy, for example moving in the same rhythm, smiling in the same manner. Commonality has been shown by scientists and economist theorists to be one of the main cause for partnerships, as it lowers costs experienced as an individual as you work together producing synergies as a team. Its just a moment where you suddenly acknowledge that your both not
separate identities, you both are together under some kind of shared context and you point this out.
In Head Hacking courses we typically make the recommendation for new ‘street hypnotists’ to use the CIQ model, which is compliment, introduction, question. When meeting someone, essentially here I’m putting the same idea forwards, but I feel I’m adding a bit of
depth into the way I see the approach from a pick up perspective. If you want to get really good as a hypnotist the most important skill you can learn is the actual approach of meeting strangers and giving them a positive perception of your character as a cool person.
An important aspect of pick up is escalation of touch, eye contact, proximity, isolation without making it seem false, forced, put on, formal, arranged, pre planned etc. it should feel spontaneous, accidental, automatic, passionate, electric, sparkle, natural, lustful. So to
do this we have various recommendations when meeting girls, Lightly touch her abdomen as if by accident. Hold her back as you pull her forwards so she talks into your hear so you can hear what she’s saying loudly. And Hold her back, accidentally touch her bum as you
lean into her ear, look her in the eye as you move across her face, sometimes be very close as if your lips could touch but only for a moment as you move across to do something else.
One of the biggest mistakes that pick up artists make, is that they check that a girl is interested on every step of escalation. For example they might touch a girls arm and wait for the girl to touch his arm before he progresses to touch her back. Or he might give her direct
eye contact, and wait until she looks at him and smiles or gives eye contact before he continues to touch her abdomen, a lot of times you won’t get such explicit signals from girls. Therefore it’s a much better tactic to continue escalating, but at a pace that seems to
naturally suit the flow of events, rather than any neediness you experience.
In Hypnosis, hypnotists often ruin their results by checking that the subject is ‘really hypnotized’ and if they experience any evidence that isn’t with their model of what they expect the subject to be doing then they assume the subject isn’t hypnotized. The classic example is where a subject laughs during hypnosis and the hypnotist suddenly thinks ‘your not hypnotized’ and decides to wake them up, other more complex examples might be when a hypnotist sticks a subjects feet to the floor then requests that the subject steps forwards (so the hypnotist can prove to himself that they are hypnotized) but the subject does step forwards (as a response to the suggestion) which then makes the hypnotist believe the subject was not hypnotized.
I always tell street hypnosis students, the clearer you can illustrate exactly what the subject should be doing; task related instructions then the better a hypnotist you’ll be. As pick up is a very goal-orientated sport, you should be delivering the clear message to your compliant subject that ‘you fancy me’ this should be conveyed in everything you do but never explicitly stated, the equivalent scenario in hypnosis would be saying “if you can wake up from this trance then you’re not hypnotized” say this and the subject will just open their eyes and say ‘I can’t be hypnotized’.
These mistakes are the majority of reasons that a hypnotist will loose a compliant subject after the subject has agreed to engage with the imaginative process. Explicit instructions for actions, without confusing the agreed events to occur by checking or asking for conflicting signals is important in preventing labeling compliant people as ‘resistant’.Vince shares his years of knowledge with a group of students
Your So Close Don’t Kill It
Never go meta.in your conversations; is something I constantly tell students, what is meta? Meta is when you talk about the process of something, or comment on the macro-elements about something rather than refer to the process of experiencing it. With guys learning pick up, they tend to mention attraction to girls, or expect agreement from them to actually say ‘yeah I like you’.
You should never imply anything is other than ‘of the moment’ if something’s funny it’s because it’s funny, Its like when someone tells a joke and someone goes “that’s funny” that response sounds sarcastic because they are so detached from the actual experience of the
joke that they almost analyze it in the third person. By you doing this to people around you it teaches them how to detach and speak in the third person about experiences you try to create in their head.
You can say too much, the girls preconceptions, misconceptions about what she wants, who she wants to be, her past experiences might be brought up by the things you say. Sometimes its best just to focus on what she wants and going with the moment.
In martial arts, you use the other persons energy to make your moves have more strength, it’s the same in conversation, go with the flow, be like water.
Why get consent, when it’s clearly already on
Talking about sex, talking about attraction, when your going to meet up, go round each others houses, turns it into a business contract rather than an amazing something that just happened! It takes the energy out of it, it makes it cold, formal.
You don’t need to have her explicit consent about sex or attraction or her even liking you if you know you’re the bomb, why would you care anyway?! Read her signals use that as the tell tale signs that its on.
Kissing is a ideomotor yearning, how can you tell someone wants to kiss you, because when you move closer to them they move closer to you, a kiss should never be thought about or preplanned its just your coping each other so much that you just come together in a
Game is simple, you want it, she doesn’t want it until it happens. If you don’t want the result ‘to get with girls’ then either don’t play or find a way to make yourself want it (i.e. change your psychology using the steps mentioned above; it will help you get over ex, judging
people, worrying about your career etc.) . Once you’ve decided you want to play, then your job is to work them up until they experience the phenomena and then go binary and say “now your experiencing that right?” but until then, it’s about the building of linear
responses, you never can explicitly state it.
From linear “Tighten up that arm, make a fist, no consciously make that arm really tight, I’m telling you to make that arm tight”, to binary “and Now realize it’s tightened all by itself, like it’s just stuck out there” is similar to ‘touching touching, eye contact, talking into ear, brushing of faces” to “kissing” binary to “you’re really pretty” binary.
This article was intended to show various parallels between street hypnosis and pick up. Many of the techniques described here could be seen to be advanced. I would always argue that the majority of success with hypnosis comes down to set up, yet this is something that is never talked about in hypnosis training courses and books. What we’ve outlined should be considered a model for subject selection, with particular focus on the niche of picking up hot chicks in busy environments.
Bio: Vince, partied every night, came across hypnosis and quickly got into teaching hypnosis at 17 with Anthony Jacquin & others.
Education: BA (Hons) Counselling & Psychotherapy, (Various Hyp, NLP, etc) MSc Masters of Business Administration. (Universities include, London School of Economics + Royal Holloway) You can also check Vince out at http://www.vincelynch.com/